Loveletters

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through
- D. Bowie

Things are changing. Things that seemed fundamental are changing. I certainly did not choose it and those changes are thus wreaking havoc on my little bubble of a world. But then again changes also always carry a plethora of possibility. Who knows how things will turn out and whether changes that seem like bad things will not turn out good in the end.

I will try to consciously take part in the changes happening. I will try not only to react but to consciously act. I will try to make conscious choices. I will start by breathing consciously and then I will try to eat and sleep consciously and thus little by little I will become more aware about myself and my life and in the end maybe I will be consciously living my life. I have time. I do not need to rush things. Summer is turning into Fall is turning into Winter. Winter is a time for reflexion and I will use this time.

I am afraid that this is going to be rather messy and writing about the mess is a daunting exercise for me. I am afraid there would be retaliations for being open about how I experience life. Showing how messy and complicated and entwined humans lives are leaves one rather exposed, not only to ridicule but to outright attack. Though I think it would be interesting to explore my emotional world I am too afraid. I am afraid of writing things about other people that are true but would expose them in a way that they might not want. So I am doing the responsible thing, or maybe I am doing the cowardly thing.

Some of you I know are waiting for more chemistry. I know I have been very disappointing as a chemistry blogger, recently. I hope you can bear to wait a little longer. I promise that I will come back to chemistry blogging. I love the subject and I can wax glowingly on it, just not now. When I read the aout page each and every feeling that promted me to do this comes back fresh into my memory. So I am certain I will return. I consider it as taking a sabbatical, though of undetermined length. I will not refrain from putting up little status updates every once in a while if I feel like it. For little tidbits of what I am doing I refer you to my microblog and twitter. I also flickr.

See you on the other side.

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