Comments on: So maybe he just really hates you

By: sciencegirl

sciencegirl — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 00:27:50 +0000

I like Zuska’s approach best – but sometimes it is just so hard to keep cool through the process of being offended… It is like being in middle school all over again. Usually I just want to tell the guy to wipe off his nose and grow up.

By: Le>el

Le>el — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 21:22:51 +0000

Hi Jokerine,
today I had the rare opportunity to see GLIB live in action … and, let’s put it that way: proudly acclamating wornout macho phrases is not a sign of a bright head. Who knows ? Maybe he’s just compensating for the fact that Irene is the Boss in his life …

By: chris

chris — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:03:32 +0000

It raises the wider question of whether we can have any humour that does not make fun of someone. I was at the comedy club and I think some party would have been the butt of every joke, be it blonds, race, religion, pregnant women, impotent husbands, Irish, sportsmen…

I can’t think of many jokes that would not potentially cause some offence.

By: Zuska

Zuska — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 02:01:22 +0000

IMHO, the death stare lets the asshole know he has irritated you, which is satisfying to him. I think the really best response is either to say “I beg your pardon, could you repeat that?” then say “Yes, I thought that’s what you said, I just couldn’t believe it the first time.” Or else say “I don’t get it, could you explain it to me?” Then if they actually attempt to explain, say it again “I still don’t get it, why is it funny?” This should embarrass even the most idiotic of them. It forces them to explain whatever sexist (or racist) belief you have to hold in order to find the joke funny. When they have to proclaim their nasty beliefs out loud and explicitly it makes them feel stupid. Which is good for them.

By: bosco

bosco — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 07:19:14 +0000

What if instead, they said “African-american is going to /hate/kill/whack me over the head if I say this, but.. [insert rascist “joke”/comment like: a indentured slave as grad student would be so much fun *wank, wank*]” Not so funny, huh? Anyway, it’s about degradation. Such jokes are a deliberate show of lack of respect. Can you imagine these guys making jokes to people they consider superior? No, I didn’t think so.

By: jokerine

jokerine — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 11:43:47 +0000

Thanks for all the tips, I’ll try the death stare(TM). It’s good to know you care.

By: LabCat

LabCat — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 20:13:42 +0000

If I bothered to respond, I would go something like “Ho ho ho, you are so funny”.

And roll my eyes and walk away.

By: Jenny F. Scientist

Jenny F. Scientist — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:28:14 +0000

Ψ*Ψ, I think it’s usually about equal parts the gender ratio and the inherent jerk-ness of the parties involved (regardless of their genders)! My lab’s about 5:1 and the male members make inappropriate comments ALL THE TIME.

The best response I ever heard- I think by way of Female Science Professor- is a blank look and ‘I don’t understand’. If you repeat it a couple times they usually get embarassed about being such hopeless wankers.

The Southern way is to give the Death Stare(TM) and say ‘I beg your pardon?’. Or ‘I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. What did you say?’.

A more Stereotypical Humorless Feminist approach is the cold stare and ‘That is inappropriate and I would like an apology’ or ‘I do not find that amusing at all.’ I personally prefer to kill ‘em with kindness. Because then one’s irony and mockery is hidden under a deep layer of sugary frosting.

By: Mitch

Mitch — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 01:23:48 +0000

It would be inappropriate for the work environment. No joke is worth making your fellow colleagues feel uncomfortable.

Mitch

By: Girlio

Girlio — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 22:38:01 +0000

I got this kind of crap all the time in graduate school. In the real world you go through sensitivity training where they explain that you will be fired for telling those kinds of jokes.

This guy is just trying to provoke some kind of reaction from you. It’s probably best to just roll your eyes and ignore it.

If you’re not that mature (and I never was), you can deal with it any number of ways. There’s the Death Stare, as Ψ*Ψ mentioned. You could confront him, and ask why he thinks you’ll be offended by his stupid joke (“do you think I’ve got some pole-dancing experience?”)

Or you could do what I did and reply by telling the dirtiest, filthiest joke you can think of. This only works if you can keep your cool though. Arguably, you’re giving this guy a reaction, which is just what he wants, but I found that shock value was worth it…he’d totally misjudged you and now you didn’t fit the stereotype he’d set up for you.

Ψ*Ψ, isn’t it funny how feminist, which simply means one who believes in equal rights for women, has come to be some sort of female version of misogynist?